Parenting — 15 February 2011
No Shame, No Blame

Positive Apology

A conventional apology is rooted in the apologizer’sfear of unworthiness. Young children, who *know* their inherent worthiness, rarely apologize except under duress or when emulating adults. A “positive apology” is possible, however. The *thoughts* behind it might go like this: “All Is Well with me *and* you. Our well-being and worthiness are certainties.

I am aware that some my past actions were out of accord with who and what I know myself to be. And in that awareness, I have more clarity about how I want to interact with you from now on.”

In other words, a positive apology is simply anaffirmation of Who You Really Are.
No shame.
No blame.

Children aren’t picky about how they express such thoughts. It could be as simple as a hug or “I loveyou.”

Next time you feel like apologizing to your child, speak as if you were expressing only love and appreciation.

Remember, your “vibe” matters more than your words.

Feel free to forward this message to your friends!

(Please include this paragraph and everything above.)
Copyright (c) 2008 by Scott Noelle

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